9 Nights 'til Halloween / by Deborah Clague

It's a fact that 98% of the internet consists of porn, cat macros and conspiracy theories. With only nine terrifying nights left to go until All Hallows Eve, we shall focus on the latter, specifically the Illuminati's methods of mind control in popular culture. Did you know that Beyonce is a devout follower of Satan? Or that everyone in the advertising industry is out to corrupt your soul by means of subliminal messaging? Could your neighbour be an evil shapeshifting lizard from Mars? Am I? Muhahaha...

As I sit here listening to 'Single Ladies', eating flies and determining the best method to manipulate people into purchasing unnecessary goods and services, I reflect back on one of our greatest achievements. Getting the 20th century's most prolific band to insert subtle odes to Lucifer in their vast catalogue of work thus influencing a generation of babyboomers to, er...become accountants and stuff.

You say you want a revolution? Turn me on, dead man: